It’s December 30th; the greenery is slowly being packed away, another night of tree lights and then off to the attic it goes. My antique Santa, feather tree, and carolers are packed in tissue paper and carefully stored in the cedar chest and all the while this happens, I wander through the rooms, reflecting on the year as it passes and wonder with some trepidation where we will all find ourselves at this time next year.

I have to admit that I miss the holidays captured in photo albums of children and family gatherings, wrapping paper galore and all the smells of sugary treats, homemade breads, and rib roasts. I miss the feeling that it isn’t about commercialism, but of giving from one’s heart. I miss having projects at the dining room table to share with each family member, always orchestrated by me and completed by my own small elves and then delivered to each home. It’s lying under the tree to stare at the lights, and not noticing how dark out it is so early as we turn our attention to the small white lights glowing from every window and table. That sudden snap in the air is about balsam, and cedar, and warm fires.

This past year, I stepped way outside my comfort zone and found a new job that brings me joy and continues to amaze me at how not stressed I am. I love using my mind, my experience, and all those years of study – it has opened up a whole new world I didn’t realize existed. I explored Air B&B’s and splurged with my dearest friend for a few days at my favorite place two minutes from the ocean.

I spent the holidays alone, as one son decided he needed a tropical holiday, and the other one fell prey to all the cold and flu germs in public and was totally out of commission. The cat and I had some cheese and crackers, some leftover chicken for dinner and binge watched holiday movies. I survived and all that $$ I spent on fancy treats has now been doled out between family members so I did return home this week with empty bags and happy folks! It wasn’t Hallmark, but I survived and now I look to the New Year.

I am getting older I’ve discovered after ignoring all the little signs that Mother Nature is sharing with me of late. I have discovered that routines are fine and safe, but life isn’t always about playing it safe. I spent so many years dedicated to degrees that I neglected what is really important in life….however many days any of us have left. I took a good, hard look at myself and am going to direct my stubbornness and determination into my health, and perhaps even find someone who thinks an old school teacher is the cat’s meow. I’ve loved a memory for 18 years and memories are also safe…….it means I don’t have to be vulnerable, take chances, or be rejected. The cat is quite content being devoted to me, but we can’t have much of any intellectual conversations, and she may purr, but she’s not so good at giving a hug, or holding hands on a walk.

So who knows where we will all find ourselves on this day next year. As we grow older, we also lose more and more of the people we’ve loved. I’ve decided, or come to the conclusion that we must not waste our days wishing for our yesterdays to return, or for wrinkles to disappear as time waits for no one. We have wonderful memories, but they are just that….memories and it’s about time to reassess this third act of life and although it may be a bit daunting at times, we need to keep at it – I mean after all, we have wisdom, we’ve tossed all sorts of “must haves” and “must dos” to the wayside, and happiness is a recipe of sorts. It will be as different for you as it is me, but with a dash of this, a bit of spice, a bit of switching up ingredients………what an amazing result we just might have.